Mos' Glossary

This is a little guide to all those out there who are unfamiliar with MosSpeak. MosSpeak is a collections of terms that I use frequently, and that classify certain schemas that I have come up with in my brief stint here in reality. Before you scream and rant at me, I will say that not all of these MosSpeak words are original. However, I have adopted them readily, and unless you know the meaning, you will have little hope understanding of what I say.

In no particular order...

Player Jezebel NGS BG MAE Conversion Born again SexPot

Christian C.F Christian Camp C.Sex

Geek Alpha Geek Beta Geek Gamma Geek Uber Geek HawHaw

Frag Horn Bag Jimmy Whacking S.I.T.E Basketball Bonking Porking Rooting

Mother Fucker The SF Chocolate Nob Bgerk TG GenderFuck Ralphism Splodge

NGS

-Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome. This is a common problem, afflicting many. Factor analysis has shown two distinct dimensions of this affliction, the "Guy" and the "Girl" dimension.

Nice Guy Syndrome- This syndrome is fueled by the universal fact that by and large MOST women prefer bastard boyfriends to nice ones. This is a typical example.

Imagine that NG (nice guy) tries to make amorous approaches to a female. Instead of doing this in the typical male way of making sexual advances, he is a "nice" guy. He speaks when he is spoken to, he listens to her problems and spends a lot of quality time with her. Big mistake, if you are trying to form a relationship!

The usual outcome is that within a couple of weeks, (or days, depending on how severe the outbreak of niceness is) the girl will invariably start telling the NG all about the BG (see BG) she is suddenly smitten with. Furthermore, when the BG is a bastard to her, NG is the shoulder she goes to sob on. This leaves NG frustrated (see Basketball ), and his only reward is the phrase "you are such a good friend".

It is frightfully difficult to break the vicious cycle of NGS. If NG decides to act upon his longing for the girl, she will no doubt say something to the effect of "oh, we are such good friends, we couldn't possibly date". Turning into BG at this moment is also futile. After being NG, being a bastard is a repulsive turn, that is challenged with an "I thought I could trust you...". The best resort for a sufferer of NGS is to get out of the relationship, and find a new one, where you can start afresh as the BG.

Typically, NGs can be seen shopping alongside a jezebel or a C.F.

Nice Girl Syndrome- This condition is much as above, substituting the sexes. There are however, some differences worth noting.

As stated before, women tend to like BGs. However, the NG (in this paragraph read Nice Girl) will be equally "nice" with either a BG or a normal.

The same scenario is applicable here, with the NG being the supportive shoulder to cry on for the guy. However, where in the case for males the manipulation is in general a sexual one, in the female case it skews more towards emotional manipulation, which is arguably far more destructive.

In many cases, unlike their male counterparts an NGs sexual advances will not be rejected by the guy. However, just as the NG thinks that she has established a relationship, the guy might say something to the effect of "Oh, I was so confused and lonely, I didn't know what I was doing..". Another variation might come in the guy making sexual advances unto the NG with some cheezy justification "oh, I am so lonely and frustrated, and I just need to be with someone that I can trust..". This will invariably lead to MAE in the male.

Again, this cycle is very hard to break. There is very little treatment without large degrees of pain. The best thing to do in both cases is opt for a preventative measure, with support from friends.

NGS should be an Axis II disorder in the DSM IV.

Player

Obviously, a player is someone who plays. However, the game is people's emotions, making it far deadlier than a game of, say, ping pong. There are both male and female versions of the player. To a player, relationships are games. The aim is to get the other person to like them, with as little effort as possible. Under no circumstance does a player love back. Once the undying adoration is achieved, the other person gets left for the new challenge.

Offcourse, there are better players than others. A weak player will let their emotions get the better of them, and pity their victims. Thought this might make them a better person, it doesn't really advance them much in the game. Weak players tend to go for easy preys, such as the CF, or the NG.

Players get more respect if they go for harder challenges. One such challenge might be the Conversion or playing against another player. Player vs. player matches really are a sight to behold. Just stand behind the screens.. cos the blood does tend to splatter.

Frag

Ahh, be there nothing finer than a good frag? A frag is a motley term that was appropriated in College a long time ago. The essence of frag, however, is as old as time itself. To put it simply, frag is sex in all its shapes and colors. It isn't any form of sexual activity in particular, rather, it is the pure epitome of sex. It is like the perfect ideal of sex, unadulterated by things like love, power, greed and fetish. A frag is just having a good time.

The most common usage of the word frag is associated with the phrase "cheap frag". Here, we are talking about a very easy sexual encounter, with little effort being made by either party to achieve the frag.

As a side note, bringing someone a "frag" when they have just woken up makes a perfect present, for both girl or guys. Fragalicious, even.

Jezebel

Jezebel is the ultimate femme fatale. Like deer caught in headlights, boys can't seem to escape the Jezabel's grasp. Jezebels might seem like female players, but they are far more evil in their intentions. They feed of a person's Mojo. Unlike a player who is interested in the game of relationships, the jezebel wishes to suck the mojo out of her victims, leaving them completely and utterly drained emotionally.

There is a lot of misconception on this delectable species. For one, it is not a power that is based on looks. Though the femme fatale is often exceptionally pretty, being pretty does not qualify Jezebel status. A Jezebel has a power to attract in a sexual way. There is something in her gaze that makes you helpless against her onslaught. It is in her poise, in her stance and in her manner of speaking.

Very few men can withstand a Jezebel, only the strongest players can compete. Women, on the other hand, seem to sense the Jezebel, and keep away from them. In this way, the Jezebel becomes a lonely creature.

Jezebels are one of the few people who can perform a conversion maneuver. If encountered by a jezebel, take a cold shower, run and join a monastery far, far away.

TG-

Trans-gendered. This terms doesn't really need explaining, but I use it a lot, and there are some people who still don't know what I am talking about. Notice that it is a very broad term that encompasses both sexes. It includes not only TSs (transsexuals-people living full or part-time as the opposite sex), TVs (transvestites-dressing up and partaining to the opposite sex), CDs (cross dressers-dressing up in the opposite sex's clothing)and Androgens (people who choose not to subscribe to either gender role). In fact, any sort of GenderFuck could be described as TG behaviour. Normally I will use grll(z) to denote M to F TGs.

Mother Fucker-

Although this may sound like a horrible phrase, it is the highest complement given to a jazz player. Example, "Damn, Miles Davis can hit the high register like a mother fucker". Sexual activity with one's mother is not implied here.

Hornbag

Hornbag is a person who you desire to have sexual relationships with. Hornbag doesn't necessarily mean you think they are attractive, it just means that they would make a good frag.

Conversion

-The conversion is a quasi holy grail for certain kinds. A conversions means that you substantially change someone's perspective on life. There are two main types of conversions, the first being religious conversion. Converting a hardcore christian into a non believer is a highly prized achievement. Jezebels in particular look for the religious conversion (which matches up nicely with the mention of Jezebel as one of the omens of the apocolypse...she makes the men turn to deviate sexual pleasures..).A male player might also want to perform such a conversion on a C.F.

The other main type of conversion is the change of sexual preference. This version was highly publicised by the Seinfeld series. It has also come somewhat into vogue, especially with this whole "lesbian chic" phenomenon. Sexual conversions are extremelly hard, and most guy and girls who try them have no idea what they are up against. Just face it.

Born Again SexPot

It seems as though there is a socially acceptable age to explore one's sexuality. It normally happens in highschool, or early university. Offcourse, this is a floating point, with the current trend seeming to be that this age is getting younger all the time. However, there is allways an amount of people that bloom later than others. This in itself is not a big problem : people's sexuality is theirs to navigate. However, the Born Again SexPot is a malignant social sore. It is the person at a party that has only recently discovered sex, and profeses to be an expert at it. The sad thing is that they are normally the less experienced, or knowegable. Though their information may be correct (though it seldom is), they make themselves annoying by pointing out obvious things, and detailing EVERY inch of their sexual landscape. Like the born again christian, the Born Again SexPot is determined to let everyone know what their beliefs are. They are a curious bunch, who only come into their own when mixed in with their kind. At this point, their stories start becoming so fantastical and ludicrious that they often cure themeselves. Yet, many are doomed to wonder the landscape wondering why they constantly get told to "get over it".

Bastard Guy. A guy with no scruples, and who's only desire is to get his in life. Ok if you are both on the same side, but nasty to go up against, or worse, to date.

Christian

This is a disclaimer more than anything else. When I talk of Christian, it is not in the typical sense. I was once a christian, and have a plethora of christian friends. Though I don't actually believe in the religious side of Christianity, I respect most of the tenents, and find it a fairly decent way of living life (if and only if people follow what they preach). I also think that the bible would make an excellent Mexican Soap Opera.

This aside, when I use christian, it is only a tool to bring out the stereotype of a narrow minded, highly dogmatic person, of any religious background. I realise that this doesn't help in the fight against stereotypes, but the word "christian" does seem to convey the message rather succinctly. I've tried using other words, and this is the by far the most useful. I hope no one takes offence. Besides, with the high predominance of christianity (or derivations thereof), it can hardly be counted as a group that is in high risk of being discriminated against. It is like me calling someone "white", trying to be malicious. It just doesn't work like that. I think that Christianity is the dominant paradigm in Australia, or at least in the milieu that I associate with. Therefore, stereotyping is more a tool for satire and comedy rather than a serious slander.

C.Sex

Christian Sex. Unlike the name implies, this is not a term to classify the way all christians have sex. The term applies to anyone of any religious denomination, or lack thereof. Christian sex is any type of sex where anything that could be exciting/fun/adventurous about sex is taken out. Sex becomes a perfunctory task, like taking out the garbage.

Christian sex is always between heterosexual couples. Usually there is a ring on the finger of both these people, but unfortunately, they are usually married to EACH other.

There are only two distinct phases in C.Sex. Start, and finish. The in-between is hardly important. The start is always planned, with a half assed look of renouncement from both people. The man is always on top, and the action is purely driven by the prospect of the finish. The finish involves the man hopping off, and maybe giving a courtesy wipe. After that, both parties can go back to their normal lives, and pretend nothing happened. It is not uncommon to find both people engrossed in crochet or crosswords in separate beds after C.Sex.

C.F

Christian Femme. This is kinda like a hybrid mix of a player, but with moral overtones. The Christian Femme works on the weak minded. Conversion is on her mind, though not wholly. She is sometimes referred to as a blessing in disguise, though this is more derogatory than complementary. The C.F comes across as a liberal minded, overtly sexual, coy kind of creatures. This is her enticement for the males (or in very rare cases, females). She then proceeds to enchant the person till she has some power. It is at this point that the blessings are unleashed. She will start putting up excuses about intimacy, and try and convert the subject one way or another. Usually, there are ultimatums, which tend to be effective, depending on her initial charm.

C.Fs are a hard group to deal with, though they mostly keep to NGs, and don't often come up against either playersor BGs. She is most comparable to a Jezebel, but with moral convictions. This is often worse, since there is no way of trying to dissuade a CF from her beliefs.

Christian Camp

This again has nothing to do with religion. Christian Camp is any gathering where all people are "nice". Not interesting, amusing, violent, emotive. Just nice. Christian Camps are places where they serve tea and scones, and where there are little triangle vegetarian sandwiches. There is a distinct lack of tension in the group, as well as a lack of strong opinion or discussion. People always smile, and politely ask you to tell them about your worklife, while passing the cream for their tea.

I am not a religious person. However, if hell does exist, Christian Camp is the closest we will ever reach on earth.

S.I.T.E

Sex In The Eyes. This is a condition that is applicable to all sexes. If you have ever seen a 30 year old trying to pick up a 15 year old girl in a bar, you will have seen S.I.T.E. This condition was first pointed out when mick and I were wondering around in Grenfeld, and happened upon two girls who had lust written all over them. The problem with S.I.T.E is that the person who is stared at is of little consequence. When afflicted, the subject will go for just about anything that approaches livable. These people are relatively harmless, and pose no great threat, other than discomfort.

Jimmy Whacking

Most men name their penii, but "jimmy" is the generic term given to every penis. It is especially useful when approaching an unfamiliar penis. This way you always know a polite way of addressing an otherwise unknown penis. For example, "whose your daddy, jimmy" can be applicable to any man in a naked scenario. It also serves to hide the identity of your own penis. Instead of saying, "suck my..... Xavier", you can simply call it jimmy.

The meaning of "whacking" is unclear. In its broader sense, whacking refers to any act that brings pleasure to the jimmy owner. Any form of sex is whacking, as well as masturbation. .

Possible variations are jimbo and jim, whacking. The term never refers to actually beating the penis.

Basketball

In English, basketball is a game that is played by putting a ball into a hoop. MosSpeak has borrowed from this, but denotes it completely different. "To play basketball" refers doing something to keep your mind away from your unrealistic sexual urges. "I feel like playing basketball" is a code to share with a group your sexual frustration in a tasteful manner. Possible substitutes do NOT include "jeeez I'd like a root".

Supreme Fascist. A term borrowed by the great mathematician Paul Erdos. Paul's theory always struck me as the most sensible piece of religious contemplation ever proposed.

Paul, though a complete atheist, often talked of "god" as the Supreme Fascist. Life was a game between the individual and the SF. If you do something bad, the SF gets two points. If you don't do something good when you could have, then the SF gets 1 point. You NEVER get any points, which means that you can never win. The aim of the game is to keep the SFs score as low as possible.

If only more people thought so deeply.....

Chocolate Nob

Pronounced "ko-ko-let nob" this is a nearly archaic term, derived from Old MosSpeak. A choc nob is someone who is pretentious, and who is constantly showing off.

Bgerk

This words origins come from StuartSpeak, but have been easily adopted into the MosSpeak syntax. Bgerk is a word used as a conversation moderator. When "bgerk" is called out in a conversation, the subject MUST be changed, and not mentioned again for the rest of that day. Bgerk can be very useful, especially when the conversation turns to something that is very personal. It is however, a tool to be used with care. There is always one person that takes bgerk too far, and starts bgerking left, right, and center. This person faces serious damage by the others in the group, who may call a free for all and tape them up, thus "bgerking" them for a long, long time..

GenderFuck

Any activity where the person goes against the expected norms of their gender. Though commonly applied to TGs, it is a term that is flexible, and could talk about pretty much anything, from mannerisms to clothing. To GenderFuck, however, there must be an intention to do this, and to deliberately go against a stereotype.

MAE

Morning After Effect. Waking up in the morning, and realising that you had no emotional feeling whatsoever for the person laying naked next to you in bed. Or worst still, you always knew you didn't have any feelings for this person, but you were to intoxicated to plan out your escape before the sun rose.

MAE can usually be identified very easily. The person is agitated and starts to rave on about all the places that they need be at this particular point in time. The afflicted tends to avoid all sorts of eye contact, and will have a nervous smile as they hurriedly get dressed.

The best way to avoid the MAE is to plan the escape from very early on. It is preferable to start making remarks when the situation is still neutral (for example, by the time you are both naked, it will seem rather suspicious if you tell her that you have to go into the office early tomorrow". Mention it casually, but don't forget to bring the conversation back to it a couple of times in the evening. It always pay to be thorough. Excuses will vary, and each person must tailor their excuses into their own personal lifestyle.

Geek

A strange and curious breed of human. It is quite hard to define a Geek, even though most people have an idea of what one should be. It doesn't suffice to define one as someone that sits in front of a computer, or someone that likes Star Trek (though they may be two factors that should make anyone suspicious).

I suppose a fairly good description of the MosSpeak version of a Geek is someone who's lifestyle and tastes are so completely specialized that they start to loose all sense of communicating with people outside of their field of expertise. The fields of choice for the Geek tend to be in the scientific realm. With the advent of computers, the Computer Geek has been the most prevalent of all Geeks. As an example, let us look at one of these creatures.

It isn't too hard to spot a Computer Geek. Clothing tends to be in the dark to black realm. Don't expect to see Prada or Gucci, Computer Geeks tend to be simply dressed. Buying extra RAM is more important than clothing in this society. They can be seen in places where there are computers, though not anywhere near a Windows terminal. If not on a computer terminal, then mostly rushing to get to one.

It would be wrong to think that Geeks do not form part of society. In fact, more often than not, they are crucial to our way of life. They are the ones that keep our ISP working, the ones that make breakthroughs in the design of bicycles and can openers, the ones that keep the trains from crashing into each other. And though they are perhaps not the most socially fluid people in the world, they are here to stay, and they are some of our most invaluable people.

Geeks, like all other subsets of society, have their own hierarchical structure. Below is a summary of these:

Alpha Geek Every Geek Community has to have one Alpha Geek. The Alpha serves as the beacon, the guiding light to the group. All members of the society are mesmerized by their skill and prowess, and their complete Geekyness. The Alpha influences the group's likes and dislikes, and is the apex of the community. People seek her/his help for not only their area of expertise, but also any life related matter. The answer is taken as word of God.

They are solitary by nature. And though they have a minion of Geeks at their command, they very rearly exploit them, or indeed, have too much to do with them. The Alpha Geek does not shun society; rather they have reached such a state of Geek Nirvana that they simply don't need it anymore. Thus, they are the calmest, most normal of Geeks. Alpha's no longer have to prove their worth in the Geek community, thus avoiding a lot of the unnecessary rituals practiced by those below them.

In the outside, they seem serene, and normal enough. But in the inside, they are truly blissfully insane. The type of insanity that only the truly great posses.

Beta Geek

Beta Geeks are ranked lower in the chain of the Geek social structure. These specimens are probably the most dangerous of all Geeks, for they are filled with angst and turmoil. Since they are neither minions (see Gamma Geeks), they are none the less far from being Alphas; and they know this. Typical middle child syndrome.

Since they have not yet reached Geek Zen, Betas still believe that one day they will be hailed by the population at large, through their extreme geekiness. Betas are apt to be the most visible type of Geek, since they go out of their way to show that they truly are completely immersed in their chosen lifestyle. The turmoil comes from their simultaneous hate of society, yet their desire to somehow fit into it. And off course, they are eager to become Alphas in their own time.

However, these Betas are an important part of the Geek Community. Since they have excelled in their Geekyness, they are nearly as Geeky as the Alpha. Thus, they are intermediaries between the Alphas, society, and others in the Geek clan. Any sort of administrative tasks can be performed by the Betas, leaving the Alphas to do more "godly" things with their time.

Usually there are between 1 and 3 Betas in a Geek clan. Not too many can co-exist at the same time, since they are rather competitive. However, a Beta never supersedes their own Alpha. If, at any time they do reach Geek Nirvana, then they will branch off, and form their own Geek network, and thus becoming the Alpha of the new colony.

To make an analogy, think of the Smurf village. Papa Smurf is the Alpha. Brainy Smurf is then the typical Beta. Smart enough, to be sure. But far to brash, and missing that "je ne sais quoi".

Gamma Geek

Gamma Geeks, or otherwise known as Geek minions. These are by and large what makes up the Geek population. These are the bottom rung in the ladder.

What makes them Gammas? Well, two reasons. They may not have the skill, talent or dedication to advance up the ladder. Let's face it, some people are just not meant to be geeks, no matter how hard they try. This group is what we call Level 1 Gamma Geek

The second reason might be because they simply don't wish to pursue Geekyness as a lifestyle. They are proud of their geekiness, but they also have a life outside of it. These former type are the Level 2 Gamma Geeks

Gamma's are everywhere. They can be the sys admins, the porn store attendants, the comic book store owners, the auctioneer or the uni-bombers of the world. They can also be the quiet guy in the office that has all those penguin pictures hung on his cubicle. It can be the woman across the street, that comes home everyday to play with her "Star Trek: The new Generation" figurines.

Without the Gammas, there is no Geek community. Without them, there would just be a bunch of lone and random loonies, obsessed with Spider Man Fan Fic, or the latest Quark theoreom. Gammas give Alphas and Betas a sense of worth, while at the same time giving themselves a place of belonging in the world.

Uber Geek

"Uber" roughly translates to "over". UberGeek, then, would be something like "over" Geek. This isn't quite the essence of MosSpeak UberGeek.

An UberGeek is an exeptional apparition of a Geek. An UberGeek (or UberNerd), is the person who happens upon a party of people, and starts raving about something that is completely foreign to the crowd around them. You may very well know of a scenario such as this.

Example: You standing around, when out of the blue someone starts talking to you about the importance of Number Theory.

At a wedding.

While the ceremony is going on

Using elaborate hand gestures.

Scribbling on the invitation.

Asking the Groom what his opinion is.

While the Groom puts on the ring.

In short, the UberGeek is someone who has either temporarily or permanently lost the plot of reality/common sense. Thus, UberGeek is more like a condition. Once the UberGeek rejoins her/his fellow Geeks, they loose their UberGeek title, and move into one of the Alpha-Beta-Gamma qualifiers. And then they can happily resume their observations on the nature of Perl Poetry, in the tranquility of a understanding and appreciative audience.

HawHaw

HawHaw is a peculiar sound that is produced by the GammaGeeks. It seems to serve several social functions in the Geek community. The Gamma might HawHaw to announce to the room their Gamma rank, or it can be used between two Gammas to show comaraderie.

It is hard to describe the HawHaw, though several people in the research field have tried. The most noted description compares it to "the mating call of a dying Wookie". Why a Wookie would want to mate at it's point of death is not important in this instance. The HawHaw is very slowly pronounced, and great care is taken in it's enonunciation. It is postulated that each call is unique, and that the Gammas have devoloped a sensibility to identify each other by their HawHaw.

The HawHaw seems to be essential in the communication between Gammas. Upon meeting another Gamma, there will usually be one point of the conversation where one will HawHaw. This is answered with another HawHaw, and so on. It is yet unknown which social cues they use to know when to stop this cycle. Surely somewhere in this world there are two Gammas that are till this day stuck in a HawHaw loop. If it is a room full of Gammas, then once there is one HawHaw, all tribe member will answer with their calls.

This serves some purpose. It helps the Gammas identify their own kind. If unsure of another's rank, they may HawHaw. If there is no response, they are instantly warned that this may indeed just be a normal, and care should be taken not to become an UberGeek (though a majority of Gammas won't actually take heed, and cross that line). On the other hand, if there is a response, they will know to keep going further into their Geekyness.

The HawHaw is really a laugh. This is imoportant, since cryptic humor is essential in the Geek Community. HawHaw are heard after funny anecdotes. Note; what a normal considers funny is very different from what a Geek might think is funny.

Some field research: Case study subject A (a low ranking Computer Gamma) found out that when NumLock was switched on in his computer, the spacebar became an undefined key. HawHaws ensued for a while. The researcher was told of this, and HawHawed. When there was no response, subject went around the whole room, telling this "hillarious" piece of information to the rest of the room. Much HawHaw ensued from other Gammas.

So, though they may seem like a foreign cry for help, the HawHaw is important to a Geek. One shouldn't be afraid, but be ready to accept the different social interactions of other cultures.

Bonking

Bonking is a type of sex. There are many different ways for two people to get together and have a sexual encounter. Bonking is one of them. Bonking is sex that is fun, impulsive. It is a subset of what one normally calls "sex". It is between two people that are having sex for the pure fun of it, and having a comfortable easy going time. There need not be a "climax". It is two people comfortable with their bodily interaction. Back to Top

Porking

Porking is an extension of bonking. It is fun sex. But unlike bonking, which is not really directed towards an end, porking is. Back to Top

Rooting

Rooting is another subset of "sex". Rooting, however, involves penetration. It also involves quick sex, that is wildly driven towards an ends : ejaculation. Short and simple. There is definately no love involved in rooting, it is mearly a function that must be fullfilled. Lumberjacks and prison inmates "root". As do farm animals. Back to Top

Ralphism

So names after the Simpson's character Ralph Wiggam. A ralphism is a phrase or remark that is said completely out of context with the flow of the conversation. It is normally said by people that are immersed in their worlds a tad too much.

Example :

"So, I was just about to be expelled from the highschool, when the Principle called me in for a little chat"

"My teacher's name was Mr Weasle..."

Splodge

Splodge : both an adjecive and a noun. It can mean both semen, and ejaculation. However, these two meanings are intricically linked. Semen is a non moving thing, while splodge is a moving thing. Think in cunjuction with Splodge marks.... Back to Top